The Harry Redknapp Guide to Media Tactics

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Class!

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14 Responses to The Harry Redknapp Guide to Media Tactics

  1. Big_Casino says:

    Harry Redkanpp’s Lunch:

    I’ve got up this morning and her indoors has left a note saying she’s gone up the shops and I’d better have made the lunch by the time she gets back or else. She says she wants spaghetti bolognaise.

    Opened up the fridge. Jesus Christ, have you seen what she’s left me with? I’m down to the bare bones and no mistake.

    There’s spaghetti, a tub of pasta sauce, some minced beef, fresh herbs, some parmesan cheese, a bottle of Baron Philippe de Rothschild Opus One Napa Valley 1987 red wine and Claudia Roden’s ‘Simple Mediterranean Cookery’ book! Bloody amateur hour, I’m telling you. How the hell am I supposed to make spaghetti bolognaise with that little lot? I thought there’d be some top, top ingredients in there.

    Whoever’s bought that from the supermarket should be ashamed of themself. It’s a mish-mash of lopsided ingredients. The whole recipe has been badly constructed. It’s scary, I’m telling you.

    I’m just standing there swearing and muttering to meself when the phone rings. It’s Jeff Powell phoning up to say how brilliant I am and that I’m one of the best cooks of my time and that I could have cooked for England. I have to cut him off though because I’ve got Brian Woolnough on the other line saying I’m one of the kitchen’s great characters and it’s a bloody miracle how many meals I’ve made out of literally nothing. They’re saying I’m like a Cockney Jesus, the way I’ve managed to feed the five thousand with the tiny amount I’ve had to spend in the supermarket and just my wheeler-dealer know-how.

    I need some better ingredients and fast. When I saw the wife come home from the shops yesterday with some spaghetti, a tub of pasta sauce, some minced beef, fresh herbs, some parmesan cheese, a bottle of Baron Philippe de Rothschild Opus One Napa Valley 1987 red wine and Claudia Roden’s ‘Simple Mediterranean Cookery’ book, I had no idea that’s what would be in the fridge when she asked me to make spaghetti bolognaise.

    It’s a hard job I’ve got on here this lunchtime believe me. If I can even get anything into a pan it’ll be a massive achievement and I know Jeff and Woolly would agree with me. Trouble is the wife can’t take criticism. Too precious these days, women. That’s the trouble. I’m short of people with the right character in this house.

    When you’re as stretched as I am, a lunch is a massive distraction from the really important meal: dinner. I think I’m just going to have to serve up the pot of pasta sauce with some tap water and just hope for the best. If I can pull this mess round it’ll be amazing really.

  2. Ed says:

    Brilliant – smash it round the web.

  3. Trev says:

    quality

  4. Berkshire Hammer says:

    Great Read

  5. Trev says:

    not forgettin its the same group of ingredients that went on a good run when he 1st took over!

  6. threew says:

    classic , brilliant

  7. geoff says:

    Ha, ha , ha

    At last. Other people catching on, for sure. When I came on this website there were only 2 posts, but I’ve increased it by 33 % for sure. Remember I’m West Am at heart, Yeh I’m lucky to own one of the most expensive pads in England, oh yeh, and throw in a couple of Italian restaurants in Bournemouth, but i’m a luverly cockerny boy really.
    Thinkin of unsettlin a few more players, wos is name Gerrard at Liverpool and me best mate Robbie Keane, Onest Guv I ain’t done nuffin wrong, it’s the press that make me out to be like that for sure.

    Ha ha ha. Come on boys, lets get behind GZ and start singing his name. He’s turning West Ham round and deserves our support. COYI

  8. James says:

    Ha ha Arry Redcrap

    Genius, How true is that ha ha

    In some ways I am chuffed we sacked him when we did!! I honestly could’nt stand him if he was like he is now and still hammers boss!! Those pesky spud fans must be pulling there hair out!! Diddums!!

    That news about Chim-plonka coming back made me laugh also, The previous tottenham with Defoe and Chim-plonka was just as rubbish as the team is now, They will be bottom half for a while yet I thinks!! Thats if they ever get back from the championship!! COYI, ZOLA IS GOD!!

  9. redkipper says:

    Harrys Lament:

    I love West Ham
    I love Billy Bonds
    I love Rio
    I got really ill because I had to
    Shaft the lot of them!

    I love the Spuds
    because they love me
    all will be well in due course
    I’ll Shaft the lot of them!

    Can’t wait to have a go at the Toon
    Then I’ll take the big one
    first get on the inside then
    Shaft the Italian
    It’l make Lamps so happy
    and his pappy!

  10. Hammer Ray says:

    Excellent observations and very funny. So close to the truth as well. Others could feel sorry for the Spuds to be lumbered with him, but thinking about it, they deserve each other. Hope they get Chimbonda. Will make their defending even more laughable. I wonder how much they would give for Zola & Clarke? WELL THEY CAN’T HAVE EM!!! COYI .

  11. the headmaster says:

    Big Casino, we salute you.

  12. Benfleet hammer says:

    Nice one, Apparently Harry has a sign when he is lying, he twitches. Everybody has a Harry story, I have a Frank Lampard Senior story. A few years ago George Parris had a testimonial, anyway a gentleman with his two sons( they were known as the Glums because all they did was moan) who used to sit behind me in the old east stand lower tier was on George’s testimonial committee. At the time we had a German player on trial Dieter Eckstein. Anyway this gentleman made a speech at the post match reception and he also spoke a little german welcoming Dieter to the Club. Afterwards Frank said to the gent ” I did not know you spoke German, can you tell him he is wa**er”. Eckstein never made it and he suffered from blisters during his time at WHU. I can remember a home match against Shrewsbury before the 1980 cup final where we where baiting Frank senior regarding Cup final tickets because a certain players wifes outfit for the 1975 Cup final was paid for the proceeds. The Glums got some stick from other supporters and notably from Frankie mac with a hand signal,but the best was from Peter Reid. Pop glum was incensed when Trevor Steven went down poleaxed by Julian and thought that Steven was faking it. He shouted at Reid and said your team is a disgrace etc, Reid put his hand to his ear to make out he could not hear and Pop Glum was shouting louder and getting redder in the face. All around us everybody got the joke and were falling over in laughter and old pop glum slid back into his seat. I only used to be 5 rows from the pitch and there was always a laugh even with the opposing teams subs then apart from Man U who had no sense of humour. You just don’t get these days.

  13. brooking still the best says:

    I wonder if ‘Arry Redkrapp will tell the media tonight his Mrs could keep Spurs up?

    The self proposed quality manager is out of his depth, and his spendings already topped £30 million. haha

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