Marlon on his way?

To Spurs for £4.5 million? That’s the hot rumour this afternoon. Upson deal is done. At least I hope it is.

Liverpool Reflections

It’s difficult to know where to start on the negatives from this game, so let’s start with the positives.

There were four – Quashie, Reo Coker, Yossi and Kepa Blanco. Quashie and Reo Coker were the only two reasons we weren’t completely overran in the first half. Quashie’s first touch has improved and he and Reo Coker put in real battling performances. Yossi was all over the pitch and although he gave the ball away too much he is getting back to his best. For Kepa Blanco to score within two minutes of his debut was the biggest plus point from this game. But what’s the betting that Curbishley doesn’t start with him on Saturday? He and Bobby looked very sharp, with Bobby doing a great job of holding the ball up, something Cole and Harewood had failed to do for the previous hour.

It was astonishing that we were not behind at half time. Liverpool had not had a single shot on goal despite playing some super football and dominating possession. To their credit, the defence coped reasonably well with them but Carroll looked as shaky as ever. I am not a fan of Carroll’s but I was horrified to hear the crowd stary singing ‘There’s only on Robert Green’. Imagine what that did for Carroll’s confidence. Similarly, the shout of ‘One Alan Pardew’ was hardly appropriate (although I agree with the sentiment behind it).

We only ever looked dangerous when we upped the tempo. If you play at Liverpool’s speed you know what you can expect. The trouble is that Curbishley has sucked the flair from this team. He is clearly not a man motivator.

And now for the marks…

Carroll – 6 – One great save, otherwise shaky and lacking confidence
Dailly – 6 – Distinctly average
Davenport – 7 – Powerful at times. Liked his berating of Carroll. Showed passion and good going forward
Spector – 6 – Unremarkable
McCartney – 6 – Ditto
Boa Morte – 4 – Overweight, lethargic, did nothing down thw wing at all
Quashie – 7 – Strong, sprayed passes, held it all together
Reo Coker – 7 – Rediscovered his passion. Improved as the game went on
Benayoun – 7 – Ran his heart out
Cole – 4 – Crap at holding the ball up. Failed to win headers ad not a single shot
Harewood – 5 – Largely anonymous

Curbishley needs to bring in Mark Noble in place of Boa Morte if all Boa Morte is going to do is play centrally. And on Saturday I hope he starts with Zamora and Blanco up front.

Luis Boa Deadweight

It is sometimes best to write about a match the day after it to avoid unnecessary hyperbole and swearing. But f*** me, is there a worse player in the Premiership than Luis Boa f***ing Morte? I wasn’t impressed when we signed him, and I am even less so now.For a left winger he seems to spend remarkably little time on the wing, leaving to to George McCartney to get to the byline. McCartney may be many things, but a winger he ain’t. Boa Morte does not compensate for Etherington’s weaknesses and provides none of his strengths. And to think we paid £5 million for him and Matty may be sold today for less than half that is some sort of sick joke.

Liverpool Preview… Sort of

Apologies for the lack of match preview. I was about to write one and then Lord Levy got himself arrested and my mind was diverted elsewhere. I’m writing this in my seat in the Dr Martens having just been up to meet Bonnie Tyler – got a snog. She’s singing Total Eclipse of the Heart at half time. She recorded a little message for the blog which I will hopefully work out how to upload tomorrow.

Just seen the team. Carroll. Why?!!! After his fumble on Saturday you have to wonder what is happening if Green isn’t in the team.

Other than that, it’s the team I was expecting.

I haven’t got a good feeling about this…

West Ham United R.I.P

THIS is quite funny. I like the comment – West Ham United Relegated In Peace

Eggie Bids £23 million for…

Well, no one can say the Eggmeister has a moth eaten wallet. Apparently we’re upping our bid for Upson to £8 million and have slapped in a £15 million bid for Darren Bent. Wow. Now, if we could just offload Newton, Mullins, Etherington, Boa Morte (yes, I know we have only just bought him, but I’ve seen enough…)

A New Series: My West Ham

A reader of my other blog sent me this today and I asked if I could put it on here. Enjoy…

The reason for writing this email now is to share with you the pain and suffering over our beloved Hammers you have clearly demonstrated in your new West Ham blog. I started attending matches during the latter years of the Moore/Hurst era, with Peters having gone to Spurs. After four years on the waiting list, I finally got two season tickets in the early 80’s but gave them up later that decade as it became progressively more difficult to get to matches and I was by then lending the tickets out virtually on a permanent basis. There were some great times but being a Hammers supporter requires a strong heart. I now find something to occupy my mind on a Saturday afternoon to pass the time quickly, but cannot help myself from tuning-in from time to time, usually wishing I hadn’t. The absolute joy of a two-goal lead last Saturday turning to near depression at final whistle was a typical example of how everything seems to have gone wrong since the 90th minute of the Cup Final. I try to console myself now, as I did last time, that being near the top of the Championship is better than continually languishing near the bottom of the Premiership, but I am of course deluded. It isn’t. The problem is, we seemed likely to get out of the mire until the final game last time. This time, with the poor results, the lack of any luck, the injuries, player discontent and the transfer problems, the whiff of the inevitable death pervades virtually everything going on at the moment.

I attended the Cup Final in 1980 as a member of West Ham United Executive club. We were taken in a luxury coach, given best seats at Wembley and a dinner at the Savoy that evening. There was a raffle at the end of the night, drawn by Billy Bonds. I won what, for me, was the star prize – Trevor Brooking’s signed shirt and a WHU football signed by the team. Brooking, of course, scored the winning goal – with his head! And he is my all time hero player. My WHU memorabilia, including the FA Cup winning items are kept carefully boxed, in a heated outbuilding I use for my business record archive.

I am not, in real life, a superstitious man but when it comes to football I have done my share of not having a haircut, wearing the same clothes etc during winning runs. So you will understand why I believe that the writing is on the wall for us this season now that I have discovered a family of mice have nested in the very box containing my Cup winning items, peeing all over the shirt and chewing the football.

If you’d like to email me your own West Ham memories, feel free. I’ll publish the best of them

Better Than the Hammerettes…

On Tuesday the half time entertainment at West Ham will be none other than Bonnie Tyler! It turns out that her manager is a fan of my other blog and has invited me to meet her. Those who know me will not be surprised to learn that I have all her records. I just hope she doesn’t have occasion to sing IT’S A HEARTACHE. A brisk rendition of TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART WILL DO ME FINE.

West Ham v Watford Match Report (if you can bear it)

To be honest, I couldn’t face writing this until now. Up to now I have always thought it would all come right in the end. Now I am not so sure. Today’s team selection said it all – totally unimaginative. A team devoid of flair. A team which could have played for Charlton Athletic. Yes, it was really that bad. I fear that Alan Curbishley is putting together a team of journeymen who couldn’t light up a Christmas tree, let alone display some ingenuity. This game has raised some important questions:-

1. Just what has Robert Green done to be dropped?
2. Just what has Roy Carroll done to deserve a run in the team?
3. Why on earth was Shaun Newton in the side?
4. After his performance against Brighton why on earth was Mark Noble not even on the bench?
5. Why on earth did we pay £5 million for Boa Morte?

I could come up with another twenty. I hate to say it at this early stage, but I do wonder if Alan Curbishley is the right man for the job. Alan Pardew ‘got’ West Ham. He related to us. He knew what we wanted. He became a Hammer. Alan Curbishley played for us. He ought to know what this Club is about. But I really am beginning to wonder if that is the case. I’ll just give you my player scores and comments before slitting my wrists…

Roy Carroll – 4 – At fault for the goal and looked shaky the rest of the time
Christian Dailly – 8 – Man of the Match, which really says it all
Jonathan Spector – 6 – Lost possession too often
George McCartney – 6 – Not a patch on Konchesky at defending or attacking
Lucas Neill – 7 – Solid, got booked but was subbed for Paintsil just after half time due to injury
John Paintsil – 8 – excellent at attacking, good first touch, weaker defensively though
Nigel Reo-Coker – 6 – Failed to impose himself and didn’t win enough 50-50 balls
Nigel Quashie – 6 – Too many misdirected passes. Tough tackling but to little effect
Luis Boa Morte – 4 – Terrible. Was rightly subbed
Carlton Cole – 7 – Anonymous first half but worked like a trojan in the second half
Bobby Zamora – 7 – Put himself about and had a few chances
Shaun Newton – 2 – Worse than Boa Morte. Should never play for West Ham again.
Teddy Sheringham (sub) – 4 – Did sweet FA
Matthew Etherington (sub) – 5 – Couple of nice runs which went nowhere.

Now, where’s the razor…

I Spy With My Little Eye…

… A Home Office Minister, thirty feet above me in the Directors Box at West Ham. Wouldn’t you have thought Tony McNulty would be following John Reid’s example and working ’18 hours a day to sort out the Home Office? No, me neither.

Solving the Newton Mystery

Heard behind me in the Dr Martens Stand…

Q How the fuck does Shaun Newton get in the team

A He must be ‘supplying’ Curbishley

Watford Preview

With disturbing rumours about the future of Robert Green I am looking forward to this afternoon’s match with a slight sense of trepidation. Watford have their tails up after their victory over Blackburn in the week, and despite the departure of Ashley Young they will be full of confidence. Team selection is difficult. Calum Davenport is cup tied but Lucas Neill and Kepa Blanco are eligible to play. I’d like to think Mark Noble will get another runout after his goal and performance in the last round, but I suspect I will be disappointed. I expect the team to look something like this.

Carroll, Neill, Spector, Ferdinand (if fit), Dailly, Quashie, Boa Morte, Benyoun, Reo Coker, Blanco, Cole

If Reo Coker doesn’t play and Mullins or Noble are brought in, that may be a sign that he is on his way next week, as predicted below. He isn’t cuptied, having not played against Brighton.

Meanwhile, the Daily Mail reports that Charlton and Wolves had bids for Teddy Sheringham rebuffed.

Should We Leave The Boleyn?

According to THIS article just posted on the Daily Mail website, Eggert Magnusson has said that West Ham will leave Upton Park whether or not the discussions over the Olympic Stadium are successful. I’m not sure Mr Magnusson realises the tribal loyalties we all have to Upton Park. You can’t just dismiss decades of memories like that. I agree that if we cannot develop the East Stand then we may well have to look elsewhere, but are we sure those possibilities have been exhausted? I for one am not. I loved being in the East Stand and would love to move my season ticket back there if it was redeveloped.

However, it is important to retain a sense of perspective about this. We have to think about our ambitions. The truth is we can never take on the big boys unless we have the attendances to match. I reckon we’d easily fill 50,000 for the big games if we had the capacity. And if the prices were reduced for the smaller games it may be possible to get more than 40,000 for them too. If we can;t achieve that by expanding our horizons at Upton Park then we may well have to look elsewhere. But all I would say to mr Magnusson is this: if you don’t handle the PR of this correctly, you will face a backlash the like of which you have never seen before. Remember the ill-fated Bond Scheme? We do.

Robert Dunford has an excellent article on this HERE.

Reo Coker on His Way?

You may remember that last week I broke the news on this blog that Calum Davenport was signing for West Ham. The same source of that story has just told me that Nigel Reo Coker may well be on his way to Spurs before the transfer deadline. Spurs are trying to flog Tainio to Villa to raise some cash. My source emphasises that it hasn’t got the same degree of certainty as the Davenport move, but he thought I’d want to know. And I thought you would too…

Reo Coker’s Agent Translated

This is what Nigel Reo Coker’s agent Tony Finnigan told Sky Sports yesterday…

“I met him (Curbishley), the chairman and chief executive to talk about Nigel and his future. “For the
next 14 games Nigel will give his 110 per cent that is what I can guarantee every single West Ham supporter. “He will give his all as he always does in the next 14 games and at the end of the season we will have a look at it.” Finnigan admitted there had been interest in Reo-Coker, but that West Ham do not want to lose him in this month’s transfer window. “I dare so they will
(clubs want Reo-Coker) everyone wants the best players at different clubs they want good players and he is no exception. “There is nothing going on from what they have told me, they are not prepared to do anything and I
understand that. “He is here committed for the next 14 games and we are not looking beyond that. “The most important thing is that West Ham stay in the Premiership, that is more important than me and any one footballer the most important thing is that West Ham rally together and stay in the Premier League. “I have had conversations with different people for sure but any
club in London that wants Nigel is going to have to come up with a lot of money in this particular transfer window and I don’t suppose they are going to want to do that anyway. “But I know all about the interest of course I do. “No it won’t be changing I cannot see him leaving West Ham in January. “No way, no way he has a job to do and he is going to do it and obviously
the club have made a decision which they have publicly said so let’s get behind them and see what happens.”

Translation: Anyone out there make a bid and he’s yours.

What a tosser.

Should We Sign More Players?

To be honest I haven’t a clue if our dealings in the transfer market are at an end in this transfer window. I suspect any more activity will involve players leaving rather than signing. But there’s still a part of me that wonders if the Eggmeister hasn’t still got a couple of tricks up his sleeve. I still reckon we’ll snare Matthew Upson, but the one which would be the icing on the cake would be Darren Bent. The prospect of Bent and Dean Ashton playing up front together is almost too mouth-watering to contemplate. In my heart I hope it will happen, but it my head I know it won’t.

I really don’t think we need players in any other position.

Kepa Blanco Signs & Uriah Rennie is Demoted

A busy day at Upton park with Lucas Neill’s signing confirmed and the on loan signing of Kepa Blanco from Seville also in the bag. From what I hear he’s a sort of Dean Ashton looky-likey. We have an opption to buy him permanently if it all works out. There are rumours today that Christian Dailly may be wending his way back to Dundee United. this may be a sensible career move from his point of view because I suspect his starts are now going to be increasingly rare with the signing of Lucas Neill. While he may be used as cover for the central defenders it’s not likely he will feature in a first choice team. I’ve never been his biggest fan, but he has stuck with us through thick and thin so all credit to him.

And now for the best news of the day. Uriah Rennie is to be demoted for his appalling performance on Saturday. Good.

Where are They Now: Peter Butler

When I first got a season ticket in the early 1990s we had a terrier like midfielder called Peter Butler. He was (and presumably still is!) a northerner and a hard little bastard to boot. I think he even captained the team for a while. However, as far as I recall, when we got promoted to the Premiership he was sold. Anyone know what happened to him after he left us and what he’s up to now?

The Answer to our Scoring Problems

From the Sunday Mirror…

West Ham are using a secret weapon to help them beat the drop – lucky goal nets at Upton Park. The Hammers changed their nets at the start of the season but mustered just 10 goals in 11 home league games. Fans sitting behind the goals complained, unhappy at the thick mesh netting obstructing their view of what little action there was. The club promptly brought back last season’s nets – and since the switch, before the Brighton game, smacked six goals in 180 minutes. Football Licensing Authority inspector Lou Elliston said: “Fans complained that the nets impaired their sight lines, so the club changed them back to the old ones.” Now all Alan Curbishley needs to figure out is how to stop the opposition using the lucky nets.

Well that’s explained it then!

Lucas Neill’s Get Out of Jail Free Card

Lucas Neill has made some very nice noises about his move to West Ham, but it appears that if we go down, he’s got a get-out clause in his contract and would be allowed to move. I’m not impressed with that, although I will console myself with the fact that we’d be able to get far more than the £1.5 million we are paying for him.