Peter Mandelson Should be West Ham’s Inspiration!

February 25, 2007

Picture the scene. My plane lands at Washington. I’m tired and irritable after seemingly endless queues at Heathrow and then an 8 hour flight in which I couldn’t listen to my iPod because I had lost it. I finally get a signal on my Blackberry while standing up in one of those terrible buses on stilts which Washington airport uses. The emails alerts start coming through thick and fast. I whisper a quiet “fuck me gently” to myself as I see the score. Not exactly the thing to perk me up and rid me of jetlag.

It’s now Sunday morning in Washington and I have just listended to Curbishley’s Match of the Day interview. If I wasn;t already convinced that he isn;t the manager for us, that interview did it. He said at the end “I haven’t enjoyed a single minute of this job, not a single minute.” Well fuck right off then. What we need is someone who can motivate not just the players but the fans too. At least Pardew did the latter, if not the former.

I can see no way out for us now. We have a bunch of players who are not playing for each other. I’m reading a season diary by Iwan Roberts, the former Norwich striker at the moment. A very good way of wiling away 8 hours on a plane. He describes the team spirit in the Norwich team in their championship winning season of 2003-4. That’s what we need now. Trouble is we have too many big time Charlies.

On the West Ham mailing list someone has identified 18 players who they reckon will be off if we go down. Half of them I’d happily despatch. We now need to build a time of fighters. I never thought I would write about Peter Mandelson on this blog, but do you remember his 2001 victory speech on General Election night when he screamed (in more ways than one) “I’m a fighter, not a quitter”. Well we need a few of those now, and there don’t seem to be many around.


Charlton Preview

February 24, 2007

When the Hammers are playing Charlton this afternon I am afraid I shall be a couple of thousand miles away, flying over the Atlantic as I am spending a week in Washington DC. So you can imagine how frantic I will be as when we land to get my Blackberry working! I doubt whether the pilot will keep me informed of the score, especially as I’m languishing in the cheap seats.

I’ll avoid all the ‘six pointer’ cliches, but no player on either side can be unaware of the importance of this game. Pardew will have Charlton fired up and they have Bent and Young back in the side. After the two week break I am unsure how we will line up with Reo Coker and Spector both suspended. I expect Dailly to play at right back. As regular readers will know, I’m a big fan of Mark Noble and I think he would give us the fire in midfield that we need. This is the side I’d like to see…

Konchesky (fat chance)

However, I suspect Boa Morte will play instead of Etherington and Dailly instead of Paintsil. However, if Upson is fit, Ferdinand could return to right back. Come on you Irons!

Money Can’t Buy…

February 24, 2007

What is about football players and addictions? The papers today are full of Matthew Etherington’s gambling problems. Roy Carroll’s are already well known. I suppose it is proof the the saying that money cannot buy happiness. Maybe it’s just as well I have never been in a position to find out!

Carlos Tevez also has a pop at Alan Pardew in The Sun, saying that they barely exchanged a word. He said it was clear that Pardew never wanted him and Mascherano at the club, but it is very different under Curbishley. Well you could have fooled me…

Could Magnusson Sue Terence Brown?

February 18, 2007

The News of the World reports today that West Ham face being docked six points over the Tevez/Mascherano player registrations. If this is true, apart from being a disaster and consigning us to relegation, it also raises some interesting legal issues. It would not surprise me if Eggert Magnusson sued Terence Brown for non disclosure of the problem. If you think about how much it will cost Magnusson if we’re relegated we could be talking big money here.

Carlos Tevez’s Best Position

February 14, 2007

Has anyone noticed that despite being a striker, Carlos Tevez seems to play very deep? Indeed, he seems to be more comfortable on one of the wings than playing through the middle. I’d like to see him play on the left hand side of midfield or playing in the hole behind two strikers possibly. There’s little doubt that he has huge talent – it’s a case of where it is best deployed.

Whatever happens, we have to change the team for the Charlton game as Spector and Reo Coker are suspended and Neill is injured. Upson will hopefully be fit. I’d like Paintsil to come in rather than Dailly at right back and Noble should come in for Reo Coker. Bet he doesn’t though.

Arsenal FC: An Apology

February 11, 2007

In the past, and in common with many other supporters of a certain East End football club, I have seen Arsenal Football Club as the enemy. Your very name provoked vicious outpourings of hatred. Ten minutes ago you had committed the ultimate sin and contrived to lose to Wigan. I was shouting at my television along the lines of “Arsene Wenger, you’re a ******* ******”. One minute ago I realised I was wrong. By beating Wigan 2-1, coming back from 1-0 down with ten minutes to go, you are our potential saviours. I would like to personally apologise for every word I have said about your august Club and its fine players. I thank you.

Top Ten Reasons You Know When Things Are Bad at West Ham

February 11, 2007

1. Javier Mascherano recalled from Liverpool
2. Eggert Magnusson replaces the Biscuit Tin with Factory rejects
3. Alan Curbishley says “three points are not enough”
4. Trevor Brooking prepares to save the club again
5. Roeder tells West Ham: “Come and get me”
6. Curbishley actually gives Mark Noble a game
7. Jimmy Walker replaces Robert Green in goal
8. Marlon Harewood can be arsed to head the ball
9. Nigel Quashie is dropped
10. Curbishley says to Konchesky: “I’m playing you on Saturday”